Many people go through life dragging a ball and chain around their ankles, some also around their wrists, their waists and their necks.
It immobilizes them. They shuffle along at a painful snail's pace", pulling against the weight of their load, getting nowhere fast.
I met two such people during the last month. Both men. Both mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually harmed and damaged. The one also physically disabled - without legs.
Both sharing rooms in an old age home; both financially solely dependent on government grants.
We will call the first man Peter.
Peter is 75 years old. Single. Never been married. Never, since he was orphaned, in a loving, personal relationship with another human being.
Peter was born in Europe and orphaned during World War 11. Placed in an orphanage where together with other boys around his own age (he was 11 at the time) he was sodomized by a man who was supposed to be his guardian and caretaker. Some of the older boys, about 18 years old, caught on to what was happening and threatened to kill the perverted guardian. They also reported the matter to other members of the staff. Thankfully, this pervert was expelled from the institution and received his due reward.
However, the mental, emotional, and physical damage had been done. Peter would never be the person he was born to be.
Put yourself in his position for a minute. Orphaned. Living through the horrors of a war - experiencing the anxiety of hearing the warning sirens going off; waiting for the devastation of bombs falling from the sky; being moved to an orphanage - amongst total strangers, in a strange place and then having to endure this new horror, this torment and shame - all before the age of twelve years!
From that time to the age of 75, Peter experienced nothing but mental suffering, attacks of acute angst and extreme depression. He feared life. He was sent from one institution to the other, one psychologist to the other, one medicinal drug to the other, received 28 electrical shocks; never divulging the origin of this angst and shame to the medical corps attending him, eventually ending up in this old age home where he has now been for a number of years.
We will call man number 2 John. John has lost both his legs. He does not recall when. He told a very vague tale of having gone somewhere with some friends, against his own better judgment, and being run over by a vehicle only to wake up in hospital without legs.
John does not know how old he is or how he came to be in the old age home. He is now mentally deficient. He can still get about in his wheelchair. For him and others like him, the old age home is a safe, if not their ideal, haven amongst others like themselves.
The one thing he does remember vividly, and which haunted him, is that somewhere in the past, he raped someone. Was he perhaps running from the scene of a gang rape when he lost his legs?
Peter and John. Both lives basically destroyed. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. The one needing to forgive and the other standing in need of forgiveness.
Forgiveness : easier to accept that to give ...
"Our Father, Who is in heaven... Give us this day... And forgive us our
debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts,
and have given up resentment against) our debtors. Matt. 6:9-12
Amplified Bible
Not easy.
BUT NECESSARY.
For the victim, but also for the culprit.
"But I say to you who are listening now to me; (in order to heed make it
a practice to) love your enemies, treat well (do good to, act nobly toward)
those who detest you and pursue you with hatred, invoke blessings upon
and pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's blessing
(favour) upon those who abuse you (who revile, reproach, disparage, and
high-handedly misuse you). Luke 6:27-28 Amplified Bible
If we do not forgive we drag the culprit with us all the remaining days of our lives. Like a ball and chain he/she/they will handicap us for the rest of our lives. We will not be free to grow, be who we are supposed to be - to achieve our purpose in this life - if we do not forgive. The thought of the culprit and his crimes will rule supreme in our hearts and minds.
We have choices. Yes, the culprit also had choices. He or she made the wrong choice. Are we going to do the same?
Would Peter and John's lives have been the same had they been taught the valuable lesson of leaving the culprit behind however painful and difficult it might have been at the beginning?
Please remember to forgive is not to condone! To forgive is not to agree with what has been done! To forgive is to say : You made a terrible choice. You harmed me, humiliated me, hurt me, changed me, shamed me - that was your choice! But I will make the choice to not let what you have done to me determine the rest of my life. By forgiving you I will take back control of my life with the help of God. I will live a full life.
Ironically, the culprit, if he/she has a conscience at all, also suffers for the rest of his/her life for what they have done. They also walk around with, and their lives are greatly influenced by, the weight of their guilt. Their victims are also dragged along like a ball and chain throughout their lives, unless they receive forgiveness.
When I first met Peter and John, I asked a very basic question: "Is there perhaps someone you still need to forgive or ask forgiveness from"?
This simple question opened the floodgates. Peter said: "No one ever asked me that question. Not one of the psychologists or psychiatrists or doctors who treated me - no one! Why not?"
When I saw Peter again a week ago, he told me that his life had changed. He was smiling, walking about chatting to others in the old age home. He no longer bore a grudge, hatred, anger, against the culprit, but admitted that it had not been easy for him to get to that point. He said that he could never forget the torment he underwent but that he realised that he could not ever expect to receive forgiveness if he was not willing to give it. He has forgiven. Does not feel hatred or fury anymore. He was still experiencing moments of anxiety getting into bed at night from time to time (being the time of his past torture) but was learning to immediately quote God's word to himself at such times and these moments were becoming fewer and further apart. With God's help, he will be victorious.
John, with tears in his eyes, asked God to forgive him and accepted that he has been forgiven. As a result of his diminished mental, physical and financial abilities, it will not be possible for him to try and establish the whereabouts of his victim to personally ask for forgiveness.
Thank You, Lord, that Your Word is a help and a guidance in all circumstances. Thank You, Lord, that as long as 2000 years ago, You knew the power of forgiveness for you cried on the cross: "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."
